short

i refuse to give in to my lonely feelings, i am better then that, its ok to have standards. i will not lower my standards just to meet my needs!

random blah blah blah

i know there are parts of me that don't quite feel this way, but there is a big part of me that just wants to grow up and run away, leave whatever life i have created behind. dont get me wrong my life is looking is pretty darn good now but i would love a new setting my story. i think i want to go visit the brewers! quality time with my dad might just be the step back from the day to day life that i would appreciate. dissapointment. that probably could be the word for my tuesday, as i had hopes for possibilities, and just saw them crumble right in front of me, and yes its things such as a failed attempt yesterday that leave me feeling even lower on the confidence scale. i think a nap might cheer me up!

we've never met

i"ve never actually met you, never seen you face to face, and yet i have this silly idea, that you could be so great for me. a great friend. a great flirt. your the person i want to roll my eyes. i want to tell you to shut up and then kiss you for being so fucking adorable. I want to argue with you, i want to yell like i have never yelled before, spitting emotions i have never even dreamed of onto you. and just know thats its "you." that you wont give a damn tomorrow, and you'll just want to cuddle me just as i want to cuddle. we can share those loving moments, you can correct my grammer constantly, while i always have to remind you to be nice. but thats what i want. i want you! i want your cocky son of a bitch attitude. your adorable fohawk, those perfect teeth, and the eyes just to die for.and even now as tears fall from my face i know that i am so far, far away from that possibility, i know that i will have to be patient and just accept that when the time comes friendship will be enough. i have to be happy for you to be happy for myself, and because we have never met that should be easy...

this weekend!

.It started with the skipping of 4th for milkshakes and garden burgers then...friday night dance! what moments of pure excitement. I've never felt better just cutting loose and living it. qoute of the night "i can just tell we're going to end up grinding tonight! back tro alyns house for a extended dance in the field with my car. and then dun dun dun. my car gets stuck in the mud as we try yo escape the horse paster and get me home before havoc is wreaked becasue of my late appearance home. a foot deep in mud as we begin to push, realizing it was going to take some tools to get the job done we begin our journey back up the road to her house, oh at which point i only have one shoe because the other is to mud filled to be of any use. we grab two shovels and hike back down to my car, as we begin digging there still no progress. i must say it does not help that she is scrawny and i am about as strong as a flimsy piece of paper. we are then forced to turn to michael her neighbor who has a four wheeler and a pulley we hike at least half a mile back to his house. at which it is not 2:30 in the morning, we have to be extremely quite so as to not wake his parents. we quietly tap on his window and thankfully get him up without too much effort. hop in his four wheeler(which by the way was a blast to ride.) and finally get to my car try and try as we may its just NOT going to happen. at one point i am sitting on the hood of my car so as to try to get the wheels to touch the ground NOTHING. we give up at about 3 in the morning. i am now forced to call my parents and tell them i need a ride, because its way out of the question for me to just spend the night. next day choir bbq hanging out with everyone. and then chris says to me " me sue and bjorn were driving back from sue car when i see yours in the middle of field and i yell stop and bljorn slams on his break we go see if we can get it out but its no use." so at this point i am forced to wait until micheals father ( bless their souls) can get it out with a bulldozer after he gets off a work. lets just say a day and a half later i get my car back in one piece, plus a lot a mud along the with it. all i have to say is i love those who are in my life right now. you know who you are and you are making my life biggest adventure i could ever go on.