Friday, October 28, 2011
Blank-minded fears.
In my moments of a blank mind I fear that I am falling into a being lacking thought.. In the experiences I have had here in the city, I have had both feelings of great learning, and fears of being ignorant to the knowledge presented in front of me.I wish to be an insightful person, a person of experience and knowledge. What haunts me is the idea that I am not those things, that will continue an existence of mediocrity. I don't want that. It's not that I need recognition or honor,I just need to feel within myself that I am a worthy being. Currently, I battle to find that feeling.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Today
oh, today, you were a marvelous day! maybe it was because i felt fresh from the plentiful amount of rest i got this weekend. Maybe it was because, overall behavior wasn't too bad in my classroom, or maybe it was because i declared my desire to be a housewife to my teammates while sweeping today. Or even maybe, it was because I came home and put burritos in the microwave and U2 on the stereo. Whatever the reason, today you were great.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
mj and big sweaters.
What a glorious weekend, filled with laughs, lightheaded waves of ignorance, passing the inamous 505 peacepipe. all the while blssfully knowing that my life is one of pure ecstasy. it began with a bang of a friday with rini raj's 22nd. it was pork burritos and sangria. oh to roam the streets of forte green at night! there are few experiences quite as beautiful than doing just that. pointing and claiming the houses we deemed best. There is something truly wonderful about eating a pork burrito next to people you think of as family.
Saturday began bright and early for me, with a trip to Manhattan as i was determined to see M.M.M.M before the horrifying process of indie fims leaving theaters so quickly took place. also taking place that day was the purchase of a big sweater and loose almost sweat like pants, which i deem worthy opf wearing in public, whether or not anyone else does. the night was one of calm for me, it was maxipads birthday, and while yes that did mean i was at a party it did not mean i was in the mood to "party" i casually had my drinks made very little small talk and headed on my way home. taking the walk form the Q Dekalb stop, feeling as though the walk would be a good way to get rid of some thoughts that had been bothering me that night, particuarly one that need not be mentioned. Arriving home i was greeted by my sheetless bed (which as of today has sheets) where i passed out until elen o'clock this morning. I decided to Leave the house and read my book oon a park bench. David Gates was my chosen author, Jernigan my chosen book. Sitting outside a donate shop waiting for the line to die down to enter and purchas the best caramel doughnut ever made. i realized the line would never shorten from it's stretch outside the doors of the shop. Gving up on my quest for a third doughnut of the weekend i retreated back to my humblle abode, wjhere i saw noneless than maxipad gold fish and d baby walking to breakfast ( yes it was about 12 at this point) I decided to join after aadmitting defeat on my doughnut quest. It was however a very wise trade off as it lead to me having a decadent iced coffee pancakes and some of the juciest sausage i have ever had. What happened next you might be asking.( or you could be asking when the hell is this going to end) well i bought sheets, came home put on some she and him cleaned my shithole room snd rested my lazy ass on what is now a matress covered by more than my white quilt. bam. the end.
Saturday began bright and early for me, with a trip to Manhattan as i was determined to see M.M.M.M before the horrifying process of indie fims leaving theaters so quickly took place. also taking place that day was the purchase of a big sweater and loose almost sweat like pants, which i deem worthy opf wearing in public, whether or not anyone else does. the night was one of calm for me, it was maxipads birthday, and while yes that did mean i was at a party it did not mean i was in the mood to "party" i casually had my drinks made very little small talk and headed on my way home. taking the walk form the Q Dekalb stop, feeling as though the walk would be a good way to get rid of some thoughts that had been bothering me that night, particuarly one that need not be mentioned. Arriving home i was greeted by my sheetless bed (which as of today has sheets) where i passed out until elen o'clock this morning. I decided to Leave the house and read my book oon a park bench. David Gates was my chosen author, Jernigan my chosen book. Sitting outside a donate shop waiting for the line to die down to enter and purchas the best caramel doughnut ever made. i realized the line would never shorten from it's stretch outside the doors of the shop. Gving up on my quest for a third doughnut of the weekend i retreated back to my humblle abode, wjhere i saw noneless than maxipad gold fish and d baby walking to breakfast ( yes it was about 12 at this point) I decided to join after aadmitting defeat on my doughnut quest. It was however a very wise trade off as it lead to me having a decadent iced coffee pancakes and some of the juciest sausage i have ever had. What happened next you might be asking.( or you could be asking when the hell is this going to end) well i bought sheets, came home put on some she and him cleaned my shithole room snd rested my lazy ass on what is now a matress covered by more than my white quilt. bam. the end.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I taught Alex and Elijah the word benefit. It was such a great moment for all of us! To see the joy on their faces as they found different ways to use the word was truly amazing to see! I will never forget that moment. Of course that same day I had to break up a fight between Alex and Rasheed, as well as hold back Jay Sean back from attacking another student… I should also mention that he had a pair of scissors in his hands. It was a pretty intense moment for me, as I had to tackle him and hold him down to make sure he didn’t go anywhere or hurt anyone.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
As soon as I arrived at school today my team and I were informed that a student was raped the day before by someone in a red van. That was a rather surreal thing to hear happened. I felt completely numb to it. I hardly reacted at all. Today overall was a rather dull day as my teacher was absent so my students were broken up into different classrooms, leaving not much for me to do. I am really excited to go see Martha Marcy May Marlene tomorrow… and then party Saturday night away for maxipads birthday!
I taught Alex and Elijah the word benefit. It was such a great moment for all of us! To see the joy on their faces as they found different ways to use the word was truly amazing to see! I will never forget that moment. Of course that same day I had to break up a fight between Alex and Rasheed, as well as hold back Jay Sean back from attacking another student… I should also mention that he had a pair of scissors in his hands. It was a pretty intense moment for me, as I had to tackle him and hold him down to make sure he didn’t go anywhere or hurt anyone.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
As soon as I arrived at school today my team and I were informed that a student was raped the day before by someone in a red van. That was a rather surreal thing to hear happened. I felt completely numb to it. I hardly reacted at all. Today overall was a rather dull day as my teacher was absent so my students were broken up into different classrooms, leaving not much for me to do. I am really excited to go see Martha Marcy May Marlene tomorrow… and then party Saturday night away for maxipads birthday!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
numb
i feel numb, as if everytihng is lying still and i am just watching it in it's frozen state. like if i don't have excitement and rebellion, i don't have happiness. right now i am not making anything happen, lets make something happen!!!!!
i fear nothingness above everything! even conflict would be more satisfying then this feeling, this dreadful feeling.
i fear nothingness above everything! even conflict would be more satisfying then this feeling, this dreadful feeling.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
l&l
My desires for lust and love continue to shadow over one another, although they normally are linked together, having experienced lust without the love makes me even more determined to experience love, love that doesn't need lust continue it's existence. pure connection that doesn't need the satisfaction of sexual gratification to continue it's existence, the only thing it truly will need is the want to be together, and the heart to care for the person no matter what, just for their happiness, sex can just be the bonus and not one of the few things you have in common, as i have sadly experienced before, actually, i retract that statement of sadness when describing my recent experiences for i know now that it has made me realize that lovemaking can be so much more special when you care and love, and that love is so much more fulfilling then lust.
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