deep breath, keep moving

I lay ,almost lifeless on the couch recalculating my decisions in my mind, whether they be right or wrong, they have brought me to the place i am now, and while it's not too late to start making new decisions, i need a place to begin, a first step if you will, to bring me towards the direction i want to go, whatever direction that may be, all i know is i will be OK, turning a different direction to the path i placed myself on shortly ago.
my opinions of love continue to evolve, spinning like a planet bursting its way out of orbit. my actions reflect those of one who's love is mainly based upon recognition. I NEED TO BE RECOGNIZED. but by creating an image to be loved and cared for i find it makes it harder to truly establish what is deep down and real inside me. i want to banish all negative influences upon myself, so goodbye to those who have pushed me in the wrong direction, i will no longer grace you with my presence. i know that i deserve positive and uplifting people in my life.
excitement took over reason
rebellion took over honesty
and in the end emotions took over everything.
wait? yes.

changes

anti soda pro water
anti tv pro book
anti religion pro freedom
i have decided that i am giving up om religion and just giving myself standards in which i will hold myself to live by in my life, and i will answer to myself. i will not create false ideas of what is expected of me, because i will decide in which ways it is best for me to live, not what others want of me.
respect. love. work.laugh.and dont hold back
those are my laws.

deep breath

so i just want to release a tiny frustration. Mother, even though you may not believe me, you can trust that i can spend the night at a girls house without there being any innapropriate activity please, i am one of the girls when i am with them. its annoying to have to drive home in the middle of night while everyone else stays up talking. i wish you would understand that it would be ok for me to spend the night. you're the only one uncomfortable with it. and above all, it just frustrates me. i feel as though i am being cut short left out on possible fun times.